“If women want to be treated equally, they should not expect chivalrous gestures anymore,” says every dude I have ever encountered."
Apparently, the men of our generation are getting mixed messages, especially when it comes to Internet dating.
This certainly is not a new topic to be brought into the forefront;
however, it is an issue that does not seem to be dying out, as the
hook-up culture continuously evolves to meet the ever-changing rules
of modern love.
The correlation between traditions and the female revolution is becoming more of an “agree to disagree,” moot point.
Perspectives on gender equality and chivalry have been explored
countless times, and continue to make headlines. Like Patricia Arquette
did in her brilliant Oscar speech, many celebrities are speaking out in
order to raise awareness.
The women of 2015 are definitely not a quiet bunch.
As a woman who is happy to contribute my work and skill set to
society, as well as be a provider, I am now forced into an uncomfortable
world of dating profiles and swiping left by men who make me feel like I
do not deserve to be “treated like a lady.”
Equality is based on the idea and state of being equal, especially in
status, rights and opportunities. It does not necessarily mean women
are to be treated exactly as men are, or spoken to in any which way
imaginable.
Let’s get this out of the way now: To break it down plain and simple,
I should be paid the same amount as a man to complete the same job; I
should have the final say and rights to my body; I should be provided
the same level of education and opportunities as a man in order to
support myself.
It is hard to deny certain feminine attributes in certain situations,
while I have to play them up in others. I must constantly evolve,
transform and, in some cases, conform in order to accommodate my sex
accordingly.
I can admit, it does get confusing and lines get blurred sometimes.
However, this evolution in which I am in the process of learning to
navigate should in no way effect courtship, dating, love or how I should
be courted as female, right? Wrong!
Online dating has become the latest medium and forum for this type of hypocrisy to take place.
Perhaps, people feel uninhabited and liberal behind the comforts of
digital technology, but this is reaching new heights in the lapse of
chivalry. Heck, this isn’t even equality; this is just damn near creepy!
Enter CreepyCupid.com.
Creepy Cupid is a resource for creepy, funny, online dating messages,
SMS texts and stories. The submission-based site allows people to share
their entertaining online dating messages for others to enjoy.
I have procrastinated long hours of work, laughing my ass off at the ridiculousness.
But, eventually, I began to notice a trend. Most of the submissions
of disrespectful comments and intros came from the female readers of
inappropriate content that had been sent to them directly via online
dating sites.
It got me thinking to myself, “Wow, this is how men are speaking to
women now.” I couldn't help but feel defensive and focus on the argument
that I heard from male friends countless times, again and again.
As women, we have to take ownership of our standards, expectations
and our roles in accepting and validating being spoken to by these
creeps.
When girls were fighting back in their responses, it seemed as if it
was an instinct for the Creeper McCreepertons to just call
them derogatory names, like slut, bitch, “c u next Tuesday,” etc.
Labeled with an ugly word because the girl had respect for herself and refused to be spoken to in that way.
Don't get me wrong; the videos were absolutely hilarious and the
conversations truly had me in stitches, but I couldn’t help but question
how things got to this point and what the causes were.
I even felt like I was betraying my own kind by laughing at these
outlandish attempts at love because they were not written by comedic
writers, they were real.
Men and even some feminists of the past grasp chivalry as blatant sexism promoting inequality.
Some men have now internalized this as some type of a justification
to treat women and speak to women however they want and then blame us
for their behavior, claiming this is what we wanted.
But, when did it become acceptable to conjure up a conversation with a
stranger, “Are you a termite cause I can give you a mouthful of wood?”
Are we to blame for the creepy factor?
As women, we are stronger, more powerful and have more control than
ever before. We have all of our sisters who came before us to thank for
that. It is a social rank that is not to be abused.
But, am I alone in attempting to understand the new rules of online dating and the correlation they have with social norms?
Ever hear the saying, “Treat her like a queen, and she will treat you
like a king?” We should be translating this as a partnership or true
equality, not some form of misguided hierarchy in love or in life.